“Ask a Nigerian man how he’s doing and also you’ll in all probability hear: ‘I’m fantastic.’ However beneath that calm, many are combating quiet wars they don’t have the phrases for.”
This World Mental Health Week, I spoke with a number of males about why it’s nonetheless exhausting to say “I’m not okay,” and with a therapist who helps individuals bear the load of silence.
Via their tales, this is what retains many Nigerian men from admitting ache and what may lastly shift the sample.
“I’m Nice” — The Tales Beneath the Silence
-
David (Consolation and Picture)
For David, a regulation scholar within the Nigerian Legislation Faculty, vulnerability is appropriate solely with a choose few.
“I don’t battle to say I’m not okay o😂. If I’m shut with my mates, I have a tendency to inform them how I really feel … It’s after I’m not shut sufficient that I will be simply superficial in my solutions or say nothing. … picture branding typically.”
He admits his reply will depend on consolation and picture. To him, opening up exposes him to being perceived as weak.. So, he shields the reality, even when solely barely.
-
Oba Khafre (Disillusionment and Society’s Indifference)
OBA Khafre, a tech skilled, sees honesty as futile.
“As a result of it makes no f***ing distinction, bro! … individuals simply depend yours as excuses. … So think about saying you’re not okay beside somebody with that sort of mentality … you simply come off as a whiner …”
His phrases are sharp with frustration: in a tradition that rewards seen success and glosses over battle, saying “I’m not okay” appears like exposing your draw back in public.
-
Uche (Upbringing and Emotional Repression)
Uche’s story is steeped in early suppression.
“Most occasions I really feel like I’m damaged, … My mates moved away … Many issues damage me rising up … I discover it exhausting to ask for assist even after I want it badly … When individuals ask if I’m okay, even when I’m not, I simply say ‘I’m fantastic’ …”
He describes childhood overprotection and loss (particularly after his grandmother died), crafting a default shell of “fantastic,” even when his insides disagree.
Totally different tales, identical thread. For males, silence isn’t all the time delight; typically, it’s survival.
What Twitter Thinks: Social Voices on Male Vulnerability
Society believes that males had been taught to internalize their worry, damage, and disappointment.
This can be a fallacious narrative, notion, or assumption; they don't speak as a result of ladies don’t make a conducive environment for them.
They don't speak as a result of most girls have no idea learn how to obtain… pic.twitter.com/bzMUbJpmHU— Rita (@RitableP) October 26, 2024
On-line, the dialog is messy, trustworthy, and revealing. Memes and threads floor the unstated actuality: many Nigerian males really feel they will’t present ache with out dropping respect or being judged. These social commentaries echo what David, Oba Khafre, and Uche already dwell.
Past the memes and debates lies a a lot deeper battle, one which consultants say begins early and runs deep.
Knowledgeable Perception — Understanding the Silence (with Dr Chente)
Meet Dr. Chente
Dr Chente, popularly referred to as the Feelings Physician, is a licensed therapist specialising in grief, trauma, {couples} remedy, and emotional therapeutic. His work is about serving to individuals discover that means of their damaged locations, particularly these formed by cultural, spiritual, or social expectations to remain sturdy and silent.
“We develop up studying to suppress as a substitute of specific… and that unstated stress shapes how we deal with ache.”
-
The Emotional Weight Males Carry
He believes many Nigerian males are exhausted, not simply by lengthy days however by emotional neglect.
“The common Nigerian man is drained — not simply bodily, however emotionally. He’s carrying greater than he is aware of learn how to identify.”
Expectations to offer, defend, succeed with out failing pile up. Many have by no means been taught learn how to identify or share what hurts inside.
-
How Tradition Teaches Silence
From early childhood, boys hear statements like “cease crying like a lady.” To be a person is equated with endurance, not vulnerability.
“Vulnerability turns into weak point. Males be taught to guard themselves by pretending to not really feel.”
-
The Value of Holding It All In
Ache saved inside doesn’t vanish; it transforms. Dr. Chente describes the patterns: emotional retreat, bitterness, relational distance, and typically self-harm.
“Silence doesn’t defend them; it erodes them.”
What do the stats say?
-
Globally, males die by suicide at roughly twice the speed of girls (BBC).
-
In Nigeria, over 80% of reported suicides are amongst males (Daily Post).
-
Nigeria’s suicide mortality charge for males was about 5.00 per 100,000 in 2019 (IndexMundi data).
These numbers present the price is actual and measured.
-
Therapeutic and What Love Can Do
Therapeutic doesn’t demand grand gestures; it wants small moments of security.
“Males open up after they realise they gained’t be shamed for his or her ache.”
Love, friendship, and household help present up by listening, not fixing. Being current and saying “I’m right here” are highly effective.
In Closing — Redefining Masculine Energy
Possibly power isn’t silence in any respect. Possibly it’s selecting honesty. Saying “I’m not okay” is difficult, however it’s not lower than. When vulnerability is allowed, not punished, therapeutic begins.
So, in the event you’re a person studying this, attempt the one reality you’ve been holding again. If somebody says it to you, your job isn’t recommendation; it’s compassion.
“Therapeutic begins the second a person feels seen, not as a supplier or protector, however as a human being.”
We might not change this tradition in a single day. However beginning with one individual can ripple out.
ALSO READ: Power Up Your Mental Health
