How to Navigate Dating When You Don’t Want Kids: Tips for Finding the Right Partner

“Who doesn’t need kids?” Nicely, some don’t. In our society, it appears exceptional for anybody to boldly declare they don’t need kids. It’s like swimming in opposition to the tide, in opposition to the norm. 

Individuals could ask, “However who will care for you whenever you’re previous?” or assume one thing have to be “improper” with you. 

For a lot of, being childfree is a sound selection rooted in private values, life-style preferences, and even non secular views. And whereas that call ought to be revered, it may well make relationship much more difficult, particularly when most individuals you meet are in search of “somebody to calm down and have youngsters with.”

So how do you handle love and relationships when you realize you don’t need kids? How do you keep away from losing your time or another person’s? 

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1. Be trustworthy from the beginning

Readability saves everybody. You don’t must open with, “Hello, I hate infants,” however you ought to be upfront early sufficient within the relationship course of. If kids are an absolute no for you, it’s solely honest to let the opposite individual know earlier than issues get severe.

It doesn’t need to be confrontational. A easy, “Simply so you realize, I’ve made the choice to not have youngsters,” is trustworthy and respectful. In the event that they ghost, nice. They have been by no means your individual.

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2. Don’t let strain disgrace you into silence

In lots of African cultures, girls, particularly, are anticipated to need kids or be outlined by them. 

However selecting to not have kids doesn’t make you egocentric, incomplete, or unlovable. Your life is legitimate. Your love is legitimate. And also you deserve somebody who sees you totally, not as a child manufacturing unit, not as a future father or mother, however as an entire individual.

3. Look in the suitable locations

You’ll save your self lots of stress by relationship in areas the place individuals are extra prone to share your values. Attempt dating apps that allow you to filter for “doesn’t need kids” or at the very least the place individuals can specific their household plans clearly.

If you happen to’re open to long-distance or worldwide relationship, Western platforms could have extra childfree matches than native ones. However even in Nigeria, they exist. You simply should be intentional and affected person.

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4. Ask the laborious questions early

It’s not nearly whether or not they need youngsters now. It’s about whether or not they’ll change their thoughts in 5 years, or assume you finally will.

Do they respect your selection, or do they subtly undermine it? Are they hoping you’ll “come round”? Do they deal with your childfree life-style as a part? Ask open-ended questions and take note of their tone, not simply their phrases.

5. Construct your individual model of household

The concept household should embrace kids is outdated. Many childfree {couples} construct robust, fulfilling lives centred on one another, their mates, pets, causes, and shared passions.

Discover somebody who needs to create a life with you, not simply dwell as much as societal requirements of what’s the norm.

Relationship childfree may imply fewer matches, extra awkward conversations, and lots of “you’ll change your thoughts” feedback. However the upside? Once you do discover somebody who aligns with you, it’ll be actual.

You gained’t be settling. You gained’t be pretending. You’ll be selecting love by yourself phrases.

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