Nigerian parents are recognized for elevating their kids with an iron will and a powerful sense of accountability. “We did our greatest,” they’ll say, they usually’re not unsuitable. However typically, these teachings, handed down with love and intention, might not at all times match into the lives we’re making an attempt to construct at this time.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about wanting on the values we had been raised with, holding them as much as the sunshine, and asking: Is that this nonetheless serving to me? Or is it holding me again?
Listed below are 5 issues your dad and mom doubtless taught you which will now not serve you in at this time’s world, and what you are able to do as an alternative.
1. “Don’t query your elders.”
Nigerian dad and mom
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In lots of Nigerian houses, respect is deeply tied to silence. You’re taught to nod, agree, and maintain your opinions to your self, particularly when chatting with somebody older. Even when they’re unsuitable, you don’t problem them.
However in at this time’s world, essential considering issues. At work, in relationships, in politics, silence is now not golden when injustice, misinformation, or dangerous choices are concerned.
Respect folks, sure, but in addition converse your fact with confidence. It’s attainable to be assertive with out being impolite. Questioning isn’t disrespectful; it’s how we develop.
2. “Undergo now so you’ll be able to take pleasure in later.”
From early on, many people had been taught to endure discomfort with out grievance. Whether or not it was a job you hated, a wedding that didn’t serve you, or faculty topics you couldn’t join with, you had been anticipated to only “handle.”
Whereas delayed gratification is necessary, glorifying struggling can result in burnout and resentment. Life isn’t solely about grinding until you break. You deserve ease. You may pursue success and pleasure. Relaxation will not be laziness. It’s a part of a balanced life.
SEE THIS: How to handle pressure from Nigerian parents like a boss
3. “Hold household issues contained in the household.”
This one runs deep. You don’t discuss your issues to outsiders. Whether or not it’s abuse, psychological well being struggles, or monetary points, you’re instructed to maintain it hidden to “defend the household identify.”
However secrecy doesn’t heal trauma. Silence doesn’t resolve dysfunction. And typically, the show you how to want can solely come from talking up.
Know when to hunt exterior assist; remedy, counselling, and even only a trusted neighborhood. Defending your peace will not be betrayal.
4. “ baby is quiet, obedient, and doesn’t discuss again.”
This educating usually confuses emotional suppression with self-discipline. Many people grew up bottling our emotions as a result of being expressive was labelled “impolite,” “spoilt,” or “cussed.”
However when kids develop up not understanding easy methods to specific themselves, they turn out to be adults who battle with boundaries, communication, and emotional security.
Train your self that feelings aren’t weak spot. Anger, unhappiness, and confusion all deserve area. Discover ways to really feel with out disgrace and talk with out concern.
EXPLORE MORE: 10 signs you are emotionally damaged without even knowing
5. “Marriage is the final word objective.”
For daughters particularly, there’s usually an unstated (or loudly spoken) strain to get married as the ultimate stamp of success. No matter private targets, happiness, or readiness, marriage is seen as a box you must check.
However an individual’s price will not be tied to a marriage band. You may construct a significant life, even when it seems to be completely different from what your dad and mom imagined.
Redefine success by yourself phrases. Your life is yours to form. Marriage can be beautiful, however it’s not the prize for present.
The Takeaway
Our dad and mom raised us one of the simplest ways they knew how, however as we develop into maturity, it’s okay to sift by means of their teachings and let go of those that now not align with the life we need to dwell.
Unlearn. Study. Relearn.
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